I managed to be civil with the builder today, although I awoke feeling angry again. Apparently I dreamed about vengeance (at least I think I must have, since I woke up ready to fight). Still, I got control of myself and went about my day. I will admit that I did some bitching about him to my brother, but when it came down to it, I was calm. I just let on that everything was fine and observed him. He is such a transparent trickster that I finally had to agree with my brother that it just isn’t worth confronting him about his lies (at least at this point, anyway).
Maybe I am a millimeter closer to the fig tree . . . I hope so.
You know, it’s easy to just get mad. I do it all the time. Sometimes I describe myself as dominant/aggressive, which is pretty accurate, at least when compared with people who are passive/aggressive.
Today I am faced with an interesting situation wherein someone has talked some smack about my brother and I (it’s this pathetic so-called builder we are dealing with who has been lying to and stealing from our customers as he oversees the construction of their new house). This guy is a known liar and thief (at least according to my customers, anyway, and I have personally seen his lies in action, both to us and to our customers). So bottom line is, I know this guy is a double-dealing, no good bum. He will do anything to complete this project and make some money, including attack us when we expose some of his bullshit lies.
I am furious! Nobody likes being attacked (he claims that he doesn’t trust some of the things we say and is trying to cast doubt about us in an effort to free himself from his web of lies). Being attacked is nothing new to me, but still, when I heard his crap, my chest burst into flame and I instantly wanted to just rip him apart. I still do, although I recognize that I would be better to just leave well enough alone and calm myself. But finding stillness is so damn hard sometimes!
I left this post sitting in limbo for a while and cooled down. I no longer plan to destroy this bastard tomorrow. Instead, I am going to wait until he approaches me while obviously drunk. Then I’ll say some “funny” stuff. I realize that this is an opportunity for me to ignore the violent, furious monster that lives in my guts and loves to rip people apart verbally. Hmmm. Interesting. Maybe some day i will get a chance to sit beneath a fig tree and think about things after all. Although since I just said that, now I won’t!